6-22-99
The Reverend JERRY FALWELL is at it again, with ridiculous claims that THE LILITH FAIR is named after a demon, in an attempt to get young God fearing Christian kids to stay away from the touring women's concert troupe.. Helllloooo JERRY, it may be named after a demon, and it is run by, and blessed with performances from a whole coven of demons like those with special musical talent and ability. How about picking on the hypocritical demons that populate organized religion instead.................On the subject of antichrist like figures, did you read MARILYN MANSON'S very reasoned and thoughtful expose in THE ROLLING STONE? The ghoul has a head on his shoulders. In a 3 page essay entitled 'COLUMBINE: WHOSE FAULT IS IT?', ole glass eye takes on TIME magazine and the rest of the organized media for glorifying the teenagers who murdered their peers at the tragic high school in Denver. "The media just created two new (folk heroes) when they plastered...DYLAN KLEBOLD and ERIC HARRIS pictures on the front of every newspaper. Don't be surprised if every kid who gets pushed around has two new idols." That is dope show, man....................ALICE COOPER said essentially the same thing in an interview we conducted with him recently at a TOWER RECORD'S promotional event. COOPER was the shock rocker of the 70's, biting heads off of chickens in full make-up and regalia during his day. He looks great, and says that entertainment is not to blame for the madness that is going on in some teens heads these days................On madness-HBO has bought into the AUSTIN POWERS frenzy, ordering 13 episodes of an animated series, which has yet to be drawn. It will debut in the summer of 2000............Meanwhile, the SHAGGY SPY earned $31 million in its' second week of release, topping $100 million in 9 days. But it wasn't the highest grossing film over the weekend. That honor went to TARZAN, which brought in $34million............... WIMBLEDON tennis has begun, and is anyone else ready to pull their hair out if they hear another high drama, cornball dialogue by JIM LAMPLEY covering the grand slam for HBO. He was great as ABC'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL REPORT anchor on Saturday afternoons, but his "colorful" commentary sounds as if he is reading for a creative writing class at WELSLEY, or auditioning for a new off-off Broadway production of WUTHERING HEIGHTS..............RUPERT EVERETT and MADONNA are an item these days, being seen about town on the clock and off. They are filming THE NEXT BEST THING in Los Angeles, about a separated couple--her straight, him gay-battling custody and trying to raise a child. We all know how MADONNA likes to blur the line between her persona and her person. Will LOURDES have a sibling soon?.............And on the subject of shocking gay revelations-LARRY KRAMER, a gay activist and writer for Illinois' JOURNAL-REGISTER asserts that he has read the private diary of PRESIDENT LINCOLN'S secret homosexual lover. Historians have long known that LINCOLN and JOSHUA SPEED shared a bed for 4 years, although that was apparently commonplace at the time. KRAMER claims to have access to writings from SPEED that detail a sexual relationship. Now that ought to keep FALWELL busy for a couple more weeks...........
SUMMER OF SPIN (WHISH)
AUSTIN POWERS has taken over the top spot on the movie marquee from the PHANTOM MENACE, and here comes WILD WILD WEST and THE GENERAL'S DAUGHTER and SUMMER OF SAM. Now that one ought to be good, it's about a real life serial killer, from the
director who said CHARLTON HESTON ought to be shot over the war of words surrounding the NRA and teenage shootings and such. It was more likely a shameless plug for his shoot-em-up summer film(whish).
Does it seem like the entertainment marketing machine has gone into turbo spin cycle these days(whish). First, there was all the fa-la-la about STAR WARS. People without lives waited in line for months to be the first to see the so so sequel, or PREQUEL, now that's a spin story all to itself(whish-time to add fabric softener). What the hell is a prequel? Is there such a word, or did LUCAS and INDUSTRIAL LIGHT and BULLSHIT morph it into the lexicon? Holy light saber, E.T., that's ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT not that bulbous, goofy talking alien with the long bony finger who used to have the highest grossing picture before TITANIC, was calculating how much money the preemie STAR WARS would gross in it's first month even before it opened. Who cares? What, did LUCAS send BOB GOEN and what's her name a lifetime supply of DOWNY(whish)?
And now that it has opened, and is doing well, heck it may even become the top grossing film of all time, for a time, but so what? The movie is a mediocre story at best, and sure there are some great characters, and remarkable special effects, but we can get those on JERRY SPRINGER and any number of FOX SCARIEST VIDEOS, or CHASES or DISASTERS. And that's without waiting in line for a month, or a day, or an hour, without paying the $8.50 ticket price, without paying $20 bucks for a couple of watered down sodas and fat laden stale popcorn, and without having to listen to a group of teenies who are on summer break and truly believe the entire world wants to hear about their time on the beach earlier in the day. (Shush!)
As if things could not get worse, along comes the international man of mystery to trump the force. The sequel made more money in its' opening weekend than the original film made in its' entire theatrical release. Give me a break, baby. The first one was barely funny. But for a couple of smarmy phrases from the cheeky persona of AUSTIN created by funny man MIKE MEYERS, there is nothing to laugh at in AUSTIN POWERS' debut film. And THE SPY WHO... is even less funny, resorting to gross out and toilet humor. All I know is that if I watch one more nerdy newscaster try and coin the phrase shag (is that even a word?) in a news headline, or if I hear another derivative of the word shag, like shagadelic, or shagalicious, or shagamatic, or shagariffic, or even shag carpet, I will need a toilet to blow major chunky shag. Shag it! Enough baby. It's tired.
Which brings me to RICKY MARTIN. Here is the supreme example of spin, 
with fresh soft and whiteners(whish-whish). He has been around the entertainment world for nearly 2 decades. He got his start with MENUDO, a Latin prequel(whish-sorry) to THE BACKSTREET BOYS, at the age of 11. He was a crossover, landing a role on GENERAL HOSPITAL as an elder teen. And then going on to a solo recording career with throngs of screaming, adoring girls who talk in movie theaters following his every move. He has been the rage on the pop music scene for some time. But for some reason, he is now thee flava(whishy). He has a record signing and the streets are closed during rush hour. His record or cd or whatever, goes on sale and despite his absence, all of the local news stations are doing remotes from the record or cd or whatever stores to report the news(whish). He is on covers of most every magazine-even TV GUIDE this week. Hellllloooo, he's no longer on TV(whish). The fact is, his act is no more talented or special or crossover than it has ever been. MENUDO was huge, GENERAL HOSPITAL was the rage-remember LUKE and LAURA (whish-why?). So where was all the reporting on RICKY MARTIN? Somebody turned on the spin cycle and his time is now. Good luck, RICKY. It really will be LA VIDA LOCA when you are hung out to dry.
ENTERTAINMENT MEMO
5-25-99
The people at the DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS finally got their act together and awarded SUSAN LUCCI an emmy for her role as ERICA CANE on ALL MY CHILDREN. She had been nominated 18 previous times and lost each time. Come on! Are there really that many actresses who are better than SUSAN. Pulllease! This is just another example of how sadistic the Hollywood "community" really is. We all know how much the powers that be like to arbitrarily elevate celebs to superstar status, on gossamer wings. Just look to the RICKY MARTIN phenomenon for a current example. And then the feeders all get glazed as the flava of the month comes tumbling down to a hard fall. Well with poor SUSAN, they let her twist in the wind for 2 decades. She at least had the class to accept the award graciously. I would have kissed them off long ago..............STUDIOS USA announced THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW is being pulled from the air so it can be revamped again. No more gratuitous violence. Yawn...............NEWSRADIO won't be back next season. The show was canceled after 5 years as a top 20 or 30 something show. It never really got its' legs back after the loss of PHIL HARTMAN............SUDDENLY SUSAN tried to creatively pay tribute to DAVID STRICTLAND in its' season finale last evening. In my opinion it didn't work, although they did sincerely try to address the issue of his life, and his contributions to the show, in the context of his character, TODD. Look for that show to stumble as well.............The ACADEMY announced that next year's OSCAR show will be held at the Shrine in Los Angeles, before its' move to its' permanent home in 2001 at a yet unbuilt, but planned spectacular theater on Hollywood Boulevard. The Shrine event will be held on Sunday again, March 26, 2000............MADONNA and RUPERT EVERETT have been filming THE NEXT BEST THING on the streets of Los Angeles. JULIA ROBERT'S squeeze, BENJAMIN BRATT is also in the film, along with ILEANA DOUGLAS, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS and LYNN REDGRAVE. The film is a comedy/drama about a gay man and a straight woman who have a child, and then encounter difficulties in the custody.............The big three networks have announced their primetime lineups for next season and again it is more of the same. DAVID KELLEY has another show in the schedule to go with the 9 others he is writing, directing and producing. Another big trend is to move all the shows around to new times and days, I guess so that whatever few people watch primetime television will be driven away for good! More specifics on the schedule later.
ENTERTAINMENT MEMO
5-7-99
A jury in Michigan has awarded $25 million to the family of SCOTT AMEDURE, finding THE JENNY JONES, and its owner WARNER BROTHERS negligent in SCOTT'S death. Recall, AMEDURE was a guest on the show who revealed a secret gay crush on a friend of his, JONATHON SCHMIDTZ. The 6 minute segment of the show went off without a hitch, the guests were laughing and joking, SCMIDTZ even applauded when he found out the truth. Even if he was surprised and embarrassed, it was 14 hours before SCMIDTZ killed AMEDURE. And the kicker, the show was never aired! No doubt, the jury based its decision on a faulty jury instruction in Michigan, which allows a jury to find a defendant negligent if its actions in any way caused the result. Look for WARNER BROTHERS to appeal this verdict, and look for the verdict to be drastically reduced, if not set aside altogether. But what kind of message does this send to homophobes, or other kooks, who feel they can justify murder, in any circumstance. SCHMIDTZ agreed to go on the show, he knew he could be embarrassed, he was even notified by the producers that he could be the subject of a love interest from either sex, before he went on! The death of SCOTT AMEDURE was the result of one person's actions, JONATHON SCMIDTZ, and no one else. Meanwhile, what will this do to other shows that use the surprise technique, like JERRY SPRINGER, or SALLY, or even 60 MINUTES?................Is anyone else a little tired of all the STAR WARS EPISODE 1: PHANTOM MENACE hype. I'm sick of hearing about the LIFELESS FORMS. No it's not a new band of intergalactic bar patrons, it's the pitiful group of fans who have quit their jobs, broken off relationships, and humbled themselves at the foot of GEORGE LUCAS, by waiting in line for 30 days and more, to see this film. I don't want to see news footage of rabid parents fighting in line at WALMART or K-MART or TOYMART or FARTMART for the newly released official STAR WARS EPISODE 1 toy line. I laugh when the local news channels tease for the entire newscast, with an "exclusive, never before seen" clip from the film, only to find it is a stupid shot of LIAM NEESON and EWAN McGREGOR walking along some plank with lots of space movers in the background. Whoa, life is good! Pulllleeease! I'm annoyed at the 45 premieres FOX is holding on Sunday the 16th of May, playing hide the ball with the celebrities, so as many people as possible will be able to brag about seeing the film first. And I'm not pleased that the getting into an industry screening of this film is harder than getting a ticket to BABS STREISAND'S shameless "last performance ever" millennium show in Vegas. Who cares that GEORGE LUCAS is one of the 10 most powerful people in Hollywood, worth several billion, even though he hasn't directed even a handful of films-THX 1138, AMERICAN GRAFFITI, STAR WARS, and this MENACE thing (THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK and RETURN OF THE JEDI were directed by others). Release the movie, and let's be done with this nonsense, at least until EPISODE 2 is ready, in a couple of years.............There may yet be justice. The film was advance screened to industry executives in 8 cities last night, and as the NEW YORK TIMES reports, many in the audience were less than impressed. Reports are that the effects are cool, but the story is weak. Could the force be gone?...............ANTONIO SABATO, Jr. will be ALLY McBEAL'S love interest in the season finale, and apparently she loved it so much, that he will be back next season...........
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